First entry. A bit of a downer.
May. 2nd, 2020 05:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
momecatAfter a long time agonizing deliberating over what my first post on this journal should be, I've decided to simply and unceremoniously start - rip the bandaid off. Otherwise I'll probably end up never posting anything at all - and that kind of defeats the purpose of setting it up. And anyway, I've been missing and wanting to get back to livejournal'ing. Given that livejournal is a shell of its former self, it made sense to finally get on the dreamwidth bandwagon instead.
A rare lockdown walk in Southern Wellington.
Like most places around the world at this point (except, notably, my home country of Sweden) New Zealand is in Coronavirus lockdown.
It's been going on since March 25th and will surely continue for some time. There are 4 levels of lockdown, with level 4 being the most severe one. Level 4 lasted 5 weeks, and they finally eased it to level 3 Tuesday April 28th. Some people seem optimistic that we will be able to move into level 2 as the prognosis is positive nationally, but I find that kind of optimism hard to listen to.
New Zealand's Alert Levels.
As it has on many others - This lockdown has really taken a toll on me.
I had been staying in Auckland working on a Film. Shooting had gotten put on hold, so only the Art Department was working on completing the Pre-Production stuff before we also wrapped up. During the last week of work we all shared this weird sort of nihilistic humor. Everyone resigned to the fact that there was no new work forthcoming, and that the Film Industry was largely shutting down.
I came back to my old flat in Wellington on Sunday, the day before the "48hrs til lockdown" announcement was released. The shift from being surrounded by an actual support network - into crash landing in my old Boarding House where I'm hardly friends with most of the people here - felt jarring.
The Boarding House situation had never been a huge problem before, I am on friendly terms with a few of the people living here and I could always either have friends over or leave when I needed to. But we're eight people living together. And although two of them left for family (unfortunately people I get along with) there's still tension when you're being locked in with these people for weeks on end. It really made the cracks in the facade begin to show.
There was an argument and an altercation (that left the shared lounge TV broken) already at the end of the first week. It's a "lads flat" - all guys - so that was really no surprise. I wasn't directly involved in the fight, but it obviously effects everyone.
Ever since I've kept to myself and in my room mainly. And needless to say it's felt suffocating.
Drawing has been an outlet, although highly dependent on mood and energy levels.
Thankfully with the switch to Level 3 I have been able to extend my social bubble to include some other friends that are self isolating. Just so that I can see some friendly faces - not over video chat. It's definitely made this week feel like the least oppressive one so far. But I fear we're still far from through this. And maybe that's strangely cynical of me (a self proclaimed optimist) but I simply doubt the world - and subsequently New Zealand - will be able to shake this off for a while yet.
Conversely, if New Zealand truly intends to go the way of historical Bakufu Japan and implement Sakoku (鎖国, "closed country") - aka. an isolationist foreign policy - I might truly riot. Because that fear is real. The worry of not being able to see my family in Sweden - and be able to come back to New Zealand - is indeed ever present. It makes me feel landlocked and hopeless. But so far there is no information about this country's future plans in regards to travel (beyond speculations about when they might ease pacific travel).
I don't know about other people but I find it really hard motivating myself to get into new things or engaging with stuff, and my sleep schedule is really messed up. I've heard some people call it Pandemic Insomnia? I just find that normalcy doesn't set it. And maybe that's bc of my living situation? Or because a lot of the people I interact with are in different time zones, so there's no incentive to get back to a normal routine? Yeah I don't know either...
WIP image of Walt from GK, click through to see the finished version.
But honestly one of the things that have truly helped me stay afloat and not completely lose track of days, or heck even weeks, has been![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
heavyartillery's discord server and the lovely people there. Discord has really been functioning as a window to the world and other people in these trying times.
I feel blessed that internet allows me to stay connected, if remotely, to the people I care about. I'm trying to hold on to that and focus on the good things. Because they do exist!
I guess it's just so much easier to get caught up with the challenges and difficulties when writing and being introspective. I definitely aim to let this journal continue being a sincere but hopefully more upbeat account of my life. I've got some fun stuff planned and I intend to share creative pursuits as well as my opinions on shows, books, and other things I get up to.
I think I'll leave this first entry on that hopeful note.
One of few walks I've been on since the lockdown.
A rare lockdown walk in Southern Wellington.
Like most places around the world at this point (except, notably, my home country of Sweden) New Zealand is in Coronavirus lockdown.
It's been going on since March 25th and will surely continue for some time. There are 4 levels of lockdown, with level 4 being the most severe one. Level 4 lasted 5 weeks, and they finally eased it to level 3 Tuesday April 28th. Some people seem optimistic that we will be able to move into level 2 as the prognosis is positive nationally, but I find that kind of optimism hard to listen to.
New Zealand's Alert Levels.
As it has on many others - This lockdown has really taken a toll on me.
I had been staying in Auckland working on a Film. Shooting had gotten put on hold, so only the Art Department was working on completing the Pre-Production stuff before we also wrapped up. During the last week of work we all shared this weird sort of nihilistic humor. Everyone resigned to the fact that there was no new work forthcoming, and that the Film Industry was largely shutting down.
I came back to my old flat in Wellington on Sunday, the day before the "48hrs til lockdown" announcement was released. The shift from being surrounded by an actual support network - into crash landing in my old Boarding House where I'm hardly friends with most of the people here - felt jarring.
The Boarding House situation had never been a huge problem before, I am on friendly terms with a few of the people living here and I could always either have friends over or leave when I needed to. But we're eight people living together. And although two of them left for family (unfortunately people I get along with) there's still tension when you're being locked in with these people for weeks on end. It really made the cracks in the facade begin to show.
There was an argument and an altercation (that left the shared lounge TV broken) already at the end of the first week. It's a "lads flat" - all guys - so that was really no surprise. I wasn't directly involved in the fight, but it obviously effects everyone.
Ever since I've kept to myself and in my room mainly. And needless to say it's felt suffocating.
Drawing has been an outlet, although highly dependent on mood and energy levels.
Thankfully with the switch to Level 3 I have been able to extend my social bubble to include some other friends that are self isolating. Just so that I can see some friendly faces - not over video chat. It's definitely made this week feel like the least oppressive one so far. But I fear we're still far from through this. And maybe that's strangely cynical of me (a self proclaimed optimist) but I simply doubt the world - and subsequently New Zealand - will be able to shake this off for a while yet.
Conversely, if New Zealand truly intends to go the way of historical Bakufu Japan and implement Sakoku (鎖国, "closed country") - aka. an isolationist foreign policy - I might truly riot. Because that fear is real. The worry of not being able to see my family in Sweden - and be able to come back to New Zealand - is indeed ever present. It makes me feel landlocked and hopeless. But so far there is no information about this country's future plans in regards to travel (beyond speculations about when they might ease pacific travel).
I don't know about other people but I find it really hard motivating myself to get into new things or engaging with stuff, and my sleep schedule is really messed up. I've heard some people call it Pandemic Insomnia? I just find that normalcy doesn't set it. And maybe that's bc of my living situation? Or because a lot of the people I interact with are in different time zones, so there's no incentive to get back to a normal routine? Yeah I don't know either...
WIP image of Walt from GK, click through to see the finished version.
But honestly one of the things that have truly helped me stay afloat and not completely lose track of days, or heck even weeks, has been
heavyartillery's discord server and the lovely people there. Discord has really been functioning as a window to the world and other people in these trying times.I feel blessed that internet allows me to stay connected, if remotely, to the people I care about. I'm trying to hold on to that and focus on the good things. Because they do exist!
I guess it's just so much easier to get caught up with the challenges and difficulties when writing and being introspective. I definitely aim to let this journal continue being a sincere but hopefully more upbeat account of my life. I've got some fun stuff planned and I intend to share creative pursuits as well as my opinions on shows, books, and other things I get up to.
I think I'll leave this first entry on that hopeful note.
One of few walks I've been on since the lockdown.
I am with you
Date: 2020-05-02 08:47 am (UTC)Re: I am with you
Date: 2020-05-02 08:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-05-02 01:22 pm (UTC)Ugh, that sucks about the boarding house situation and the broken TV. Yikes. Hopefully nothing else happens while this is all going on.
That's a lovely place to take a walk. I'm glad you've been able to get out like that.
no subject
Date: 2020-05-02 01:52 pm (UTC)Things have been at an all-time low in the flat. Aside from two people I genuinely like, I barely speak to the other people that live here. It's such a weird atmosphere. I used to organize shopping rosters and stuff, but recently got shot down for "micromanaging" - so I have now stopped. It's quite disheartening how quickly it's all unraveled. I still try to keep the place clean, but with no real conviction these days... no one else really puts in the effort so it's hard to be motivated when you feel like you're some assholes' maid y'know?
I wish I would head out more - but I always feel so extremely guilty when I do. Particularly when I try to make my way further from my house. Somehow I've become both claustrophobic and agoraphobic? I exaggerate ofc, but I do feel a certain social anxiety and guilt about stepping outside.
Coming out of this pandemic is going to be interesting for sure...
no subject
Date: 2020-05-02 06:32 pm (UTC)I’m sorry that your quarantine experience has been so fraught. I feel very lucky to live alone during this time, lonely as it gets at times. I don’t have a ton of like, great advice or good solutions for any of the anxiety or the pandemic insomnia other than letting you know that you’re totally not alone on either the sleep schedule or the inspiration front.
I’m glad that our silly little server has been a help to you and am so delighted that you joined up and said hey~ It’s always a pleasure to meet new folks and it’s great to have new and interesting voices to weigh in on everything and yours in particular is a joy.
As always, your art is absolutely gorgeous and I’m jealous and inspired at the same time. Also those vistas are absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing them, and welcome both to DW and to the HA family too. <33
Sending big hugs and good vibes from the dumpster fire that is America.
no subject
Date: 2020-05-03 11:51 am (UTC)I'm glad to hear that you're doing alright. I used to live alone in Sweden, and I preferred that over dorms/roommates, so it's been quite the adjustment since coming to New Zealand where you predominantly flat with friends and/or strangers. It's just a different culture around living arrangement, and having to put up with annoying flatmates is an aspect that agrees less with me. Ha!
Thank you for making that tumblr post so that I found my way onto the discord! I'm honestly so so happy for it! It's such a lovely community and I'm always stoked at the thoughtful conversations that happen in the channels! Glad you think I add something to the conversation too ♥
I really do hope I mostly inspire you with the art!! It's so exciting to have someone to share that creative outlet with (and I took a looong hiatus from art, only recently picking it up again, so i feel like a fresh foal) and the fact that you both write and draw. As well as run a discord and just all around am such a driven individual?! Amazing!👏 Show stopping!👏 Iconic!👏 I only wish I could be like you!!👏
Speaking of.... if you ever want to try to do some sort of art (and/or writing) exchange/collab or whatnot? Please hit. me. up!!
<333 lots of hugs back at ya! Stay safe over there in the land of the freeeee.
no subject
Date: 2020-05-02 09:27 pm (UTC)This is definitely a tough time :/ At least I've heard good things about New Zealand's leader. That chart already seems miles better than what America has a whole has got going on. Although some of the Governors are stepping up to do better than the federal response.
no subject
Date: 2020-05-03 12:09 pm (UTC)NZ's PM Jacinda Arden has been transparent and firm in all communication throughout. Her government acted swiftly and has consistently had a cohesive and clear stance on coronavirus, which does help. None of that back-and-forth. Still, it's a global pandemic - so I really hope we can get through this together.
Glad to hear that there are some Governors and leaders in the US who are stepping up to the plate and doing the right thing! How are situations where you're at?
no subject
Date: 2020-05-04 02:42 am (UTC)Our state is still closed. I'm on the west coast, and a bunch of west coast Governors have teamed up to try and do a slow roll out of re-opening things, maybe at the end of May. I am thankful I can telework most of the time. Most of our Court proceedings have all been moved to late summer, because we have to have so many people in the room to actually hold trials. The stores have tape marks on the ground to keep people separate from each other, but we haven't had any issues with shopping for food etc so far. People have been buying up eggs and paper products like crazy, though.
no subject
Date: 2020-05-04 06:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-05-06 03:54 am (UTC)That's true though, we've been baking a lot even though a lot of baking products are just not available right now. And basically only eating chocolate :P